Wisdom from Mars Hill for our Children
Christianity Today’s podcast titled “The Rise and Fall of Mars Hill,” released in June 2021, carefully documented the events and people behind this Seattle church as it grew from a small home-based church to a mega church with 15 daughter churches and weekly internet views topping 250,000. Despite its stupendous growth, Mars Hill exhibited early signs of unaddressed dysfunction that eventually brought the church to its knees. Mars Hill is a case study on how red flags were mismanaged, ignored, or missed. Similar to the metaphor of the frog slowly boiling in the kettle, so too Mars Hill simmered ever so slowly until 2015 when it boiled over spilling critically wounded members and staffers. In the end, the kettle itself was burnt beyond recognition.
When Frogs Die in Kettles, What are the Lessons for the Tadpoles?
As we all process the stories in the podcast, I wondered what wisdom we can offer to our children, our “tadpoles” if you will. They will encounter broken and dysfunctional systems throughout their lives. Even while they are young, can we train them to spot red flags? Is there a thermometer we can give them to read the temperature in our schools, clubs, teams, and even their church? This involves discussing what is going well in these environments and identifying areas of concern. The following framework, originally designed for evaluating churches, can be adapted to assess any system. I wondered as I thought about children in dysfunctional systems, if children were present in the Mars Hill worship services would they have been unsettled by the tone coming from the pulpit? What other things would be disturbing to them? Children can pick up on things we easily overlook. They also form deep impressions about the tone and actions of an environment or leader.
I looked at three things: the message, the messenger, and the members in the Mars Hill system. First, I defined each by biblical standards and wove in Scripture that specifically addressed each area. I cited one or more examples of a violation or red flag and concluded with questions for families to discuss.
The exercise encourages parents to listen and not to throw out the “right” answer. I am hopeful that families examine Scripture as the first criterion but I also added questions that could point to aberrations in social norms for behavior as well as one’s gut instinct. Even if a behavior or belief isn’t explicitly noted in Scripture, if it seems and feels wrong, it often is.
The exercise works best when done informally during day-to-day life. Allow your children to answer one or two questions and simply listen to what they say. Do not list what you see going on. Instead, ask more questions and add appropriate comments to open the dialogue. In fact, asking open-ended questions about everyday life will yield far more information than the “How was_________ today?” Fill in the blank: Sunday School, school, play group, etc. If the answer can end in yes, no, or ok, you’re not gaining much insight.
While there can be a fine line between condemning and discerning, we want to train our children to perceive God’s ways and to begin to observe when systems are off track. All churches are made of humans. Leaders will fail us. But godly leaders repent. Godly leaders are approachable and discuss issues in calm and loving ways. In Matthew 10:16 when Christ sent out his disciples, he reminded them to “Be wise as serpents and innocent as doves.”
The Message
The message of the church is the Good News of Jesus Christ. The Gospel is the biblical story of Creation, Rebellion, Redemption, and Restoration. Christ alone has paid the price for our sins and offers the free gift of salvation. No amount of good deeds can earn our salvation. As Ephesians 2:8 reminds us, “We have been saved by grace through faith.” We cannot be good enough to save ourselves.
The Gospel does not add extra-biblical requirements to follow Christ. Mark Driscoll, Mars Hill's founder and lead pastor, often preached on marriage. He placed the entire success of marriage on wives. He required them to be “on call” to fulfill all their spouses’ sexual needs. Scripture says nothing of the kind. Scripture calls husbands to love their wives as they love their own bodies and as Christ loved the church (Ephesians 4:25). Yes, Scripture speaks to wives submitting to their husbands and respecting them, but this occurs in a loving and safe relationship not in ones that Driscoll described as ideal.
The Gospel doesn’t shame, and it doesn’t boast. Messages that shame or embarrass are not the Gospel. Driscoll privately denounced his staff, elders, and members, often ranting and raging. At times, his ire spewed from the pulpit. It’s vital to remember that Jesus did not use shame to convict people of their sins. He defended the woman caught in adultery and saved her from being stoned by the Pharisees. He didn’t shame the Samaritan woman at the well who had had five husbands. Instead, he revealed to her that he was the Messiah.
Driscoll often bragged about Mars Hill’s numbers, baptisms, and conversions, which were exceedingly high, and it was implied that this was because of him. Certainly, his God-given charisma drew people to Mars Hill but so did the message of God’s love for the people of Seattle. I Corinthians 3:6 notes that while Paul planted the church in Corinth, and Apollos stayed and “watered” it, it was God who caused it to grow.” Sadly, Driscoll also boasted that he would not be mentored by anyone whose church was smaller than his. God is maker, the builder, and the sustainer of the church. Driscoll epitomized all the traits of a prideful man. The fact that he stated them orally was a flagrant red flag.
Questions:
Tell me a bit about the service in church today.
What stood out to you?
Was there something that you didn’t understand?
Do you remember where in Scripture our sermon came from? What do you think was the most important part?
Is there something that you heard today that you want to remember?
What stood out to you?
Were you upset, confused, or at peace?
How do you think other people felt? Why?
The Messenger
Scripture lists high criteria for those who preach God’s Word. In I Timothy 3, Paul provides a substantial list of qualifications for a church leader. He writes that this person ought to be above reproach, sober-minded, self-controlled, respectable, not violent but gentle. And in II Timothy, Paul writes to avoid those who are proud, arrogant, abusive, unappeasable, and slanderous without self-control.
Driscoll delighted in firing his staff. From the pulpit and in conferences, he stated, “If you’re not with me, we throw you off the bus!” He joked about going “Old Testament “ on some of his staff and elders. He screamed and yelled, belittling members of his congregation. He fit the description that Paul warned Timothy about.
Scripture recognizes people who humbled themselves before God and obeyed him, often putting them in lower life circumstances. when in fact, they could have easily boasted. Consider Abraham who left his high standing in Haran and travelled to an unknown destination where he would be a foreigner, a nobody. The prophet Samuel, who held the highest position in Israel, grieved for his people when they rejected judges in general and him specifically by insisting on having a king. And yet, Samuel anointed Saul as king following God’s command. Before David was king, he refused to kill his arch-enemy, Saul, when the perfect opportunity came, trusting God as the one who would work this out. These characters followed God, they did not attempt undo what they believed to be true about him and his calling for them.
Questions:
Does your pastor know your name?
Do you know the names of the people in his family?
Describe what you like about your pastor?
If you were a visitor today, what might you notice?
Who seems to be like Jesus in your church?
When I say the words calm and peaceful, who do you think is like that at church?
When I say the words anxious, and angry does that sound like anyone you know at church?
Do you feel close to your pastor or far away?
The Members and Me
Jesus offers the Good News of the Gospel to all. He commanded his disciples to “go into all the world and preach the Gospel.” In Romans 1:16 he asserts that the Gospel is for everyone who believes. I Timothy 2 reminds us that God wants all people to be saved. Many of Paul’s epistles to the churches provide ways for them to care for one another, including the widows, the often-neglected people in his era. The church is to reflect who Jesus is to one another, to be a loving family.
Many of Driscoll’s messages insisted that young men get married instead of living in sin. On its own, that message could be appropriate if it involved repentance. Not every “living together” relationship should be corrected by getting married, but that’s not really the point, However, Driscoll added that they were to have children and their wives were to stay home. It’s wise to ask, where is this mandate found in Scripture? Another perceptive question might be, “Who wasn’t he preaching to?” I like to call that the null set. Who isn’t being addressed in these messages, of which there were many? What about single women, divorced, widowed, and elderly people? Were they recognized from the pulpit? Were they invisible to Driscoll? It’s as if you had to be in the “target market” to be in this congregation.
Questions:
Who was the pastor speaking to today?
Who comes to our church? Do old people come or just young parents? Do some people who have trouble walking or hearing attend? Are there children?
In general, how do you think our church does to remember the young and the old, the married and the single people?
What does your church pray about from the pulpit?
Do people sit alone, or do they have friends?
Do people know your name and your family at church?
Do you know the names of older people at your church?
The questions above are about the church, but they are guidelines for almost any system. Change the Message to Mission, the Messenger to Boss or Teacher, and the Member to Student or Employee, and you have a sense of where to look for issues. Asking questions and discussing situations develop our children’s critical thinking skills. When a leader says something that you should do or think, how can you discern if that is wise instruction?
It’s good practice to ask these questions in your family about music lessons and sports, school and clubs. The point isn’t to make our kids suspicious. It’s to give them tools to observe and to confer with you, their parent(s). It is to measure what is happening against what God desires. Ultimately, it’s to discern truth from lies. Micah 6:8 says it well. “He has told you, O man, what is good; and what does the Lord require of you but to do justice, and to love kindness, and to walk humbly with your God?”